Appearance jokes

I hate it when people think I'm a boy because I have short hair. I mean, I'm gay, what do you expect?

Ur fat.

Slow and steady wins the race...

...but it will never fix your ugly face.

Yo mama so old, on her birth certificate it said "expired."

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittles popped out.

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.

Yo mama so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a shopping list.

Yo mama so ugly, she made the devil go to church.

Me: "You wanna see my dad?"

Some kid: "Yeah?"

Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."

Some kid: "He ain't appearing."

Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."

*The kid laughs*

Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃

Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.

What do you call a fat midget?

A pig.

You look as fat as a pig.

What does Adam look like?

The fat ginger baby of Boss Baby.

It would be a miracle if someone figured out the length of your hairline.

Your mama is so ugly, her shadow got a restraining order.

Yo mama so fat, she went outside and became the sun.

Your hairline is as nonexistent as your dad.

Yo hairline is so bad it looks like a fat person's stomach.

Your hairline is so big, not even a black hole can eat it!

Bro, your forehead so big Dakota's forehead seemed small.

Your hairline starts at the back of your head.

Your eyebrows could make the bushes outside feel jealous.

My friend: "Hey, I see a dwarf!"

Me: "Where?"

Friend: "In front of me."

I swear your eyebrows have attachment issues, they're touching right now.