Appearance jokes

I knew you played football because your hairline is receding.

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

Your hairline is so far back, it makes the Giant from Clash of Clans jealous!

What do you call a guy with a bald head who loves to eat biscuits, raisins, and caster sugar?

Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)!

Yo mama is so ugly, she made dirt look like a supermodel.

Your hairline is so far back your dad had to go find it for you.

You're so ugly you make Happy Meals cry.

You're so ugly when a pig saw you, he said, "Yes, my brother is back."

So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.

Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.

Hairline.

Your forehead is so big you could have put an H for Kobe to land on.

Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.

Ur fat.

I know 5 fat people; you're 4 of them.

Josh is chubby.

Yo mama is so ugly that her portraits hang themselves.

Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"

Your mum is so fat that when she looks in the mirror, the mirror cracked!

Take a step back... just like your hairline did.

Yo momma's so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter.