Appearance jokes

Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."

Your hairline is so far back it looks like it got smacked up by Will Smith.

Yo mama is so ugly, if she got a pound for every boy that found her unattractive, boys would find her attractive.

Person 1: Wasn’t Stephen Hawking on X Factor?

Person 2: No, why would he be on X Factor?

Person 1: For dancing.

Yo mama is so ugly that Satan started going to church!

Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.

Plastic bags look like you, dirty and fake.

Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.

My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.

Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"

"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"

Yo mama so ugly, when she go to church they say it's a demon!

I got a call from McDonald's; they want their sign back.

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow kids thought they were mini school buses.

Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.

Your hairline is so long that when I put it on email, it didn't send, which is ETHAN BRIDEWATER.

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.

Which book takes an extreme turn and has an incredible plot twist?

- The math book. Suddenly letters appear in the calculations...

Mommy, Mommy! Are we werewolves?

Shut up and comb your face.