Appearance jokes
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.
Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.
One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"
The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."
After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."
The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"
After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.
The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."
The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."
The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."
The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."
The first kid then says: "I know, right?"
They then begin a snowball fight.
The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"
Butt cracks.
She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half Black.
But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom jeans!
I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.
A funny joke scenario.
Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.
Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.
My question is, how do fat people fit in tuxedos? Honestly, don’t wear those. Wear your regular clothes. Your belly is just gonna pop out!
Your butt is so fat, I can remove 90% of beauty with a tissue.
Site nearly as dead as my trim.
Why are monkeys funny? Because they look weird.
The happier they get, the less they see.
Me: What did one toilet say to the other?
You: What?
Me: You look flushed!
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Aaron is ginger.
Boy: I'm dead.
Girl: Is that why you're so ugly?
Boy: No, I was just born this way.