New Appearance Jokes - Page 72

Why are monkeys funny? Because they look weird.

The happier they get, the less they see.

Me: What did one toilet say to the other?

You: What?

Me: You look flushed!

What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!

I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.

My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Aaron is ginger.

Boy: I'm dead.

Girl: Is that why you're so ugly?

Boy: No, I was just born this way.

My friend looks like a homeless, thanks for the jokes.

What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?

They both look good hanging from a tree.

Sean's hairline recedes faster than my grades.

I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.

She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.

Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!