ANS jokes
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
What are two things that an orphan can’t have?
Two parents.
Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they have no one to call "daddy."
What's black and red and goes 90 miles an hour? A baby in a blender!
A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."
The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."
The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."
The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."
The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."
The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."
The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."
Okay, so I ate an apple and it tasted good.
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
What do you call an octopus dad?
An octodad.
What animal jumps the highest?
An emo kid, some of them are still up there.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come home.
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
One day whilst walking up a hill, Jack saw a prostitute named Jill. Jill was dressed in kinky, leather gear that made Jack really, really horny.
Jack, who hadn't stuck it in for a few weeks, was keen to ask this sexy young maiden how much she would charge. "1 buck for a suck, 2 buck for a fuck," she said as she stroked his ever-hardening one-eyed snake.
"Yeah, I'll have both of them," said Jack, who was about to cum in his trousers. So Jill led Jack to behind the well, and they sucked and fucked for an hour. After that, they both contracted AIDS and died of it, as they did not see a doctor. THE END
Why can't an orphan be gay?
They don't have anyone to call "daddy."
What do you call an Indian with a wooden leg? Shit on a stick.
What do you call an Indian with two wooden legs? A waste of lumber.
Spare.
You got a spare, spare me an inch of that far juicy cock.
What is an orphan's family tree?
A stump.
What do you call an angry shopper?
A cuss-tomer.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
Which falls faster, a feather or an emo?
A feather, because the emos are always hanging in.