Animal jokes

Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.

But when he rounded them up, he had 200.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to Birds Eye.

Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?

Because they don’t have pockets. I’m

A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.

A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.

BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.

NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)

Teacher: What does a cow say?

Susie: Moo.

Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?

Jimmy: The duck goes quack.

Teacher: Now what does a pig say?

Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"

How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?

Satisfying.

So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:

Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?

Student: PIGS!

Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?

Student: SHEEP!

Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.

Student: IK where that comes from!

A FAT COW! 😂😂

Q: What do you do if you bump into a koala?

A: You koalagize to it.

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick it up and suck it off...

I was going to tell you a cow joke...

But it's pasture bed time.

What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk.

What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather?

A brrrrrrrr-d!

So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.

The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"

Why do ducks have feathers?

So you don't see their butt. *quack* (crack)

What do shemales and barns have in common?

Cocks.

God: (creating elephants) Make it big.

Angel: How big?

God: As big as my d--

Angel: Whoa!

God: Fine, 10 feet tall.

Angel: That's big bu--

God: Put a long thing on its face.

I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.

What sort of movies do cows like to watch?

Moosicals!

When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.