When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
Animal Jokes
I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
What do shemales and barns have in common?
Cocks.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
Teacher: What does a chicken give you?
Student: An egg!
Teacher: What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework!
Why did the koala climb the tree?
To get to the other branch. :)
He made it, don't worry!
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.
Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.
Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.
Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"
Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant.
What goes white, black, white, black, red?
A zebra falling down the stairs.
What do you call a goat?
A goat.
Why did everyone suggest that the cheetah eat all the pumpkins?
Because he cheated at everything!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial?
Because he was koala-fied!
So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.
One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
