Animal jokes
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck it off...
I was going to tell you a cow joke...
But it's pasture bed time.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather?
A brrrrrrrr-d!
Memes
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
Why do ducks have feathers?
So you don't see their butt. *quack* (crack)
What sort of movies do cows like to watch?
Moosicals!
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
What do shemales and barns have in common?
Cocks.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
Teacher: What does a chicken give you?
Student: An egg!
Teacher: What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework!
Why did the koala climb the tree?
To get to the other branch. :)
He made it, don't worry!
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.
Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.
Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.
Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.