How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
Animal Jokes
I went to a butcher house with my little cousin and saw a baby pig and told her, "Look, it's Pepa Pig!"
She started crying.
A cheetah and a lion are racing.
The cheetah wins.
The lion says, "You a cheetah!"
The cheetah replies, "Nah, you a lion!"
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
What does the Cow say to the spy?
"Are you udder cover?"
What did the bird say to the other bird?
Nothing, because birds can't talk.
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat."
Teacher: "Very good. Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon."
Teacher: "And finally, what does the fat cow give you?"
One of the students: "Homework!"
What did the cow say to the fat pig?
Moooooooove over!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
My favorite species is a cheetah because
Ima cheet-ah on the test.
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
Why can’t Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
What do you call a two-dimensional owl? A Paper Towl!
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
Why did the octopus blush?
He saw the bottom of the ocean.
