Animal jokes
What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?
Bullying.
What does Hellen Keller call her dog?
"NAUSHFBUYGWF"
Fancy playing rodeo sex?
"OK then," she said!
Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!
What did the bird say to the other bird?
Nothing, because birds can't talk.
I went to a butcher house with my little cousin and saw a baby pig and told her, "Look, it's Pepa Pig!"
She started crying.
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
A cheetah and a lion are racing.
The cheetah wins.
The lion says, "You a cheetah!"
The cheetah replies, "Nah, you a lion!"
What does the Cow say to the spy?
"Are you udder cover?"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
What did the cow say to the fat pig?
Moooooooove over!
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat."
Teacher: "Very good. Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon."
Teacher: "And finally, what does the fat cow give you?"
One of the students: "Homework!"
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
My favorite species is a cheetah because
Ima cheet-ah on the test.
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
What do you call a two-dimensional owl? A Paper Towl!
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.