Animal jokes
Why can’t Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
What do you call a two-dimensional owl? A Paper Towl!
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
Memes
Why did the octopus blush?
He saw the bottom of the ocean.
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
What did the squirrel say to the dog?
"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Person: Why?
Me: Because he wanted to.
Q: What did one koala say to the other? A: How's it hanging? 😂
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
What's the difference between orphans and dogs?
Dogs get adopted.
Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the fool's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
What kind of dog can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.