Animal jokes
What did the bird say to the other bird?
Nothing, because birds can't talk.
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat."
Teacher: "Very good. Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon."
Teacher: "And finally, what does the fat cow give you?"
One of the students: "Homework!"
What did the cow say to the fat pig?
Moooooooove over!
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Memes
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
My favorite species is a cheetah because
Ima cheet-ah on the test.
What do you call a two-dimensional owl? A Paper Towl!
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
Why can’t Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
Why did the octopus blush?
He saw the bottom of the ocean.
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
What did the squirrel say to the dog?
"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Q: What did one koala say to the other? A: How's it hanging? 😂