Animal jokes
You're so ugly when a pig saw you, he said, "Yes, my brother is back."
Why did the cow cross the road?
'Cause he wanted to go to a moooooooooooooooooooooooovie.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because she wanted to have an affair with the rooster.
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
My grandpa has the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
seriously
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
What do you call a dog that's faced backwards?
A god.
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?
"Ground beef!"
What is shark's favorite day?
Chewsday.
A fish is dead, who do you call? Aquaman!
A cow was walking down the road, and it saw a beautiful cloud in the sky, so it said, "That is an a-moo-zing cloud!"
Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.
In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.
The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.
The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
What do you call a cow with no leg?
Why did the orphan go to the monkey exhibit?
To see his closest relatives.
What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?
Monkeypox.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to make it laugh?
Ten-tickles.
If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.
What do you call a deer who is funny?
Diraleous.