Animal jokes

The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.

The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.

The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.

The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."

This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."

What’s another name for a cow?

You... cause you're fat.

My sister has cows, and after 4 months, she said there was a mis-steak.

Why did the cow smell?

'Cause the horse gave it a pat on the back.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalotopuss

What do you call a fantastic goat?

Goatastic! So funny please like.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A: Lickalotofpuss.

Why do cheetahs run?

Why not?

What’s the difference between a cat and a dog?

It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff.

Why do Indians marry cows? Because they bathe in milk.

Let’s try and make this joke the most liked and commented on this website. (Ps, you may need to say it out loud to get it.)

I went to a zoo and there were no people and there was one dog. It was a shih tzu.

What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.

Omg wassup dude, why does your hair look just like a young Whoopi Goldberg from "The Color Purple?" Them damn stanky looking corn bread rows on your head; you look like a damn cheetah pet. Che che che cheetah, they available at Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, Target, and Kroger.

Did you hear about the boy who sat under a cow?

He got a pat on the head.

Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.

Son, he is dinner.

What did the cow say to the other?

"Cheese!"

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!

What do you call a dictatorial cow?

Moosilini.