Animal jokes
What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.
Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.
Son, he is dinner.
What do you call a dictatorial cow?
Moosilini.
What did the cow say to the other?
"Cheese!"
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
Me ND my kitty
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
In Australia, my jokes are high koala-ty.
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
How do asses communicate?
Through booty calls!
Are you a dog because you're a fucking bitch?
Yo mama's so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!
Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.
Why do cows have big [udders]? Because they have big balls.
Why did the cats go in the litterbox?? To take a poop!
What do you call a caterpillar that's sad?
A sad caterpillar.
What does a polite mouse say?
"Cheese and thank you."
Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?
A: It means cats and dogs can talk.
What is a dog?
A pet.
What is a dog that you can drive?
A big doggy car.