Animal jokes

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!

What do you call a dictatorial cow?

Moosilini.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

Did you hear about the boy who sat under a cow?

He got a pat on the head.

What did the cow say to the other?

"Cheese!"

What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.

Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

8 jelly tickles!

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

Let’s try and make this joke the most liked and commented on this website. (Ps, you may need to say it out loud to get it.)

I went to a zoo and there were no people and there was one dog. It was a shih tzu.

What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.

Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.

Son, he is dinner.

Omg wassup dude, why does your hair look just like a young Whoopi Goldberg from "The Color Purple?" Them damn stanky looking corn bread rows on your head; you look like a damn cheetah pet. Che che che cheetah, they available at Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, Target, and Kroger.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No-eye-deer (no idea).

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

In Australia, my jokes are high koala-ty.

How do asses communicate?

Through booty calls!

What is a dog?

A pet.

I saw a cat. It said, "Raisin" when he saw a nut. Hahaha, I am a crappy joker. Put me in the nerd club.