Animal jokes

Why do Indians marry cows? Because they bathe in milk.

Omg wassup dude, why does your hair look just like a young Whoopi Goldberg from "The Color Purple?" Them damn stanky looking corn bread rows on your head; you look like a damn cheetah pet. Che che che cheetah, they available at Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, Target, and Kroger.

Let’s try and make this joke the most liked and commented on this website. (Ps, you may need to say it out loud to get it.)

I went to a zoo and there were no people and there was one dog. It was a shih tzu.

What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.

Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.

Son, he is dinner.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No-eye-deer (no idea).

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.

Did you hear about the boy who sat under a cow?

He got a pat on the head.

What did the cow say to the other?

"Cheese!"

Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?

What do you call a dictatorial cow?

Moosilini.

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

8 jelly tickles!

In Australia, my jokes are high koala-ty.

Why do cows have big [udders]? Because they have big balls.

Where can a male and female rabbit make love at? The rabbit house or the rabbit hole?