Animal jokes
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
What's a kind of cat that lives in the water? Octopus.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lick-a-lotta-puss.
One day my pet barked at me and so I got scared and was my dad actually. It was weird, you should’ve saw him and so the day goes on because he likes to run around the house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
How many guns can an octopus hold?
9
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
What do you call a hill with cows on it?
A Moo-ntain.
What's a chicken's deadliest day?
Friday.
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don’t know.
To get to the idiot house.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
The chicken.
What do you call a cow that has stuff growing on it?
Mosscow