Animal jokes
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eye-deer (no idea).
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
8 jelly tickles!
Memes
Your not actually cute so shhhhh
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
In Australia, my jokes are high koala-ty.
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
Are you a dog because you're a fucking bitch?
Why do cows have big [udders]? Because they have big balls.
What does a polite mouse say?
"Cheese and thank you."
Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?
A: It means cats and dogs can talk.
Why did the cats go in the litterbox?? To take a poop!
Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.
What do you call a caterpillar that's sad?
A sad caterpillar.
Yo mama's so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!
What's the difference between your mom and a fat female cow...
A female cow doesn't have a dick.
Why did the emu cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off. Yeah, I hate myself, man.