Animal jokes
How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?
Get it a Rolex!
Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.
Watchdogs.
What do you call a smart blonde Labrador?
What happens when you eat a cat?
I love to eat cats for dinner!
Memes
What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? (Dam!)
This is how animals were named.
"Bye Son." *cuts call*. What are we talking about?
"Bison. Perfect."
What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?
"Man, I blew 50 bucks in there."
A black cat will be racist next.
Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.
What do you call a cold Explain bear?
A brrr.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to fish?
MC Hammerhead.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c—
MOO!
What's a rapper's favorite kind of pet?
A boomboxer.
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!
Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay, moving on. You took too long.
How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply* I don't know how many.)
3, Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply* 3...)
Wrong. 4, Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.
Two lions plan their escape from the circus. The night they get out of their cages, they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road.
As one lion gets a bite of leg, the second takes a piece of shoulder.
Then one stops and asks his companion:
"Does this taste funny to you?"