Animal jokes
"You are stupid. You can’t even ride a baby pony!"
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
What's the difference between a redhead and an orangutan?
Some people adopt orangutans.
Q: What do you call a cow with only two legs?
A: Lean meat.
Are you having rabbit and duck for dinner?
Yeah.
Why?
Because I got too obsessed with hares.
When you and your friends find a higher form of living
So there was this girl and her horse would not stop following her, so she said, "Stop horsing around!"
Get it? "Horse-ing."
I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.
The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.
Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...
Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"
Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"
What do monkeys and gorillas love to listen to?
The Monkees and Gorillaz.
Why can't cheetahs run forever? Because they run out of breath!
Why don't stags buy drugs? Because they are too deer.
You look as fat as a pig.
What do squirrels eat?
Nuts. 🥜
Why don’t you have a pet cheetah?
There cheetah you.
Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.
What do cheetahs wear to work?
They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!
What do you call an @EB with no ears?
An Explain B.
Why is a rap boat like a dog?
They both get off sniffing assholes.
Why did the Octopus go down the toilet?
Because he had a toilet call in the drain.