Animal jokes
You are so blind, even a spider can see better than you.
When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.
What does a hear-moo say? "Fat cow!"
Why did the chicken cross the road why? Because they wanted to kick someone in the family.
When do cows moo? Moosday.
How do you f**k a duck?
Usually duck a f**k.
What's the difference between a dog and an orphan? The dog gets picked.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Grounded beef.
Why did the ducky get arrested?
He got caught selling quack.
Do fish have tits?
Fish tits.
What do you call a flying pig?
Fiction.
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A rooster clucks defiance!
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
What key opens a banana?
A monkey.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he's not coming.
A cow was standing in a corn field. The chicken walked by and said annoyingly, "What do I see here? Corned beef!?"
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because they have smelly feet!
7000+ bats.
What do you call a cow without legs?
Ground beef!