Animal jokes
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
What do you call a sheep obsessed with cars? A Lambo.
Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.
Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
When my dog barks, he gets ruff.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!
What did the walrus say when they lost the remote?
"Walrus the remote!"
What is the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can't tuna fish.
Your cow is so ugly, it scared the crap out of the toilet!
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
What is a fish’s 🐟 favorite game?
Salmon Says!
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Why doesn't anyone play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.
What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?
Hippo-POT-amus!
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To visit the idiot.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
The chicken who?
*Silence*
The guy who discovered milk... What did he do with the cow?!
I say "cow poop," cows say "moonure."