Animal

Animal Jokes

Cow

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your mom.

  • 5
  • Hippo

    Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

  • 1
  • Fly

    What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?

    It got pissed off.

  • 3
  • Chicken

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To get to the gay man's house.

    Knock, knock.

    Who's there?

    The chicken.

  • 3
  • Kangaroo

    Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

  • 3
  • Pig

    Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?

    Because he’s a ball hog.

    Goat

    What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!

  • 0
  • Yo mama

    yo mama so fat she went swimming with the whales and sang "weeeeeee areeeee fammmilllyyyyy!!!!!!!"

  • 3
  • Cow

    Teacher: What does a pig give you?

    Little Johnny: Bacon.

    Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?

    Little Johnny: Wool.

    Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?

    Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".

  • 5
  • Breakdance

    I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.

    For 20 seconds.

    And only once... :(

    Dad

    what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.

    War

    I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

    He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.

    Beaver

    I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.

    Man

    Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."