How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?
Sing a koala-by.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay man's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It got pissed off.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
What do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly mammoth.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your mom.
Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?
Because he’s a ball hog.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
yo mama so fat she went swimming with the whales and sang "weeeeeee areeeee fammmilllyyyyy!!!!!!!"
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".
Mary had a little lamb. Chick, chick, bam! No more lamb.
I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.
For 20 seconds.
And only once... :(
I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.
lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.
Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."
What do you call a pig that does karate?
PORK-CHOP
what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.
