Animal jokes
What cow can part water? Mooses.
Where do animal does Russian milk come from?
"Moscows".
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
Why didn't the koala make the finals? It got diskoalafied.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your mom.
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How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?
Sing a koala-by.
What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It got pissed off.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay man's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?
Because he’s a ball hog.
yo mama so fat she went swimming with the whales and sang "weeeeeee areeeee fammmilllyyyyy!!!!!!!"
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.
For 20 seconds.
And only once... :(
What kind of bee can't fly?
A KOBE.
what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.
Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."
What do you call a pig that does karate?
PORK-CHOP
I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.
lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.