Animal jokes
What is the politically correct term for rabbit shit?
Raisins.
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
What does a cow say when he remembers something?
"I have deja moo!"
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he isn't coming to you.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
Why do four polish heteroflexable men like to suck on four of the cow's udders? Because a bull has only one.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.
They're all Predators!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Suicide.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"
What is red and looks like a zebra?
My arm. Hehhehehehe UwU
Why wouldn’t Mr. Bee 🐝 push Ms. Bee 🐝 away?
Because he loves his honey.
What is a cow's favorite move? -- The sound of moooosic.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”