Animal jokes
Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah, duh!
How do cows laugh?
Moo-haha.
What bird doesn’t need a comb?
Bald eagles.
What animal is good at baseball?
A bat!
Why are cows such great dancers?
They have all the best moooves!
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."
I dated a furry once.
The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
What do you call a bee’s love?
Honey.
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss.
I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
moo.
What's a furry's favorite news network?
Fox!
[god creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yes...?
God: Now fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”