Animal jokes
What bird doesn’t need a comb?
Bald eagles.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."
What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.
I dated a furry once.
The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.
Memes
oof XD
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
What do you call a bee’s love?
Honey.
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss.
moo.
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
What's a furry's favorite news network?
Fox!
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"