Why are toads born with balls on their body?
Because they want more attention!
Why are dogs born with balls?
They were having their stick moment when they got given birth, too.
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.
If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
Fancy playing rodeo sex?
"OK then," she said!
Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy!
Mole
What did the bird go to the hospital for?
For tweetment!
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
What's the difference between a mole and an eagle?
They both live underground, except for the eagle.
So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.
He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.
Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."
The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.
So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.
What do you call a waterfowl looking at you from around a corner?
A Peking duck.
Why was the duck arrested?
Because it was caught selling quack.
What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
