Animal jokes
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
I was at school one day, and my teacher gave me homework. Once I got home, I did not do my homework, but I watched TV. After the movie, I finally went to go do my homework. I was almost done with my homework when I got to the last question. I didn't know the answer, so I asked the closest living being to me, which was my dog, and I asked him: what's two minus two? He said nothing.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
You're more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark.
If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.
I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.
Hears a clean joke: My horse got muddy, so I gave him a bubble bath.
Now hears a dirty joke: Bubbles is the horse next door.
What type of deer can jump higher than a house?
All houses can't jump.
What type of horse can jump higher than a house?
All houses can't jump.
Friend: “What's that on your arm?”
Me: “Oh, nothing. Just decided I wanted to cosplay a tiger.”
Kid: Why aren’t koalas considered bears?
Nerd: Because they're marsupials.
Kid: No, because they didn’t have the koala-fication!
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
Little Johnny was late to school one day, and Miss Brown asks, "Johnny, how come you're late to class?" And Johnny says, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and started fucking the white cow." Miss Brown said, "Johnny, don't use that word. Next time you want to say that, use the word 'surprised'."
The next day Johnny was late again, and Miss Brown said, "Johnny, why are you late?" And Johnny replied, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and 'surprised' the white cow." Miss Brown said, "That's much better, Johnny." And Johnny said, "Yeah, walked straight passed it and started fucking the black one."
I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.
Why did the panda cross the road to get to the bamboo house?
What type of bee can't fly...
Answer: Kobeee!
How do you f**k a duck?
Usually duck a f**k.
How to become a monkey?
Put a red dot on your forehead.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
When do cows moo? Moosday.