Animal jokes
Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?
A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Your momma's so fat, she went on safari and got shagged by an elephant!
Yo mama so ugly, she the real reason all the dodos died.
What do nerds and chicks have in common? They both have four eyes.
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because.
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
Before Jane, was Tarzan clapping gorilla cheeks?
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam.
This boy's eyebrow was so bushy, everyone thought that it was a squirrel tail! XD
Why don't Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
What kind of bee can't fly?
A KOBE.
Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.
What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean, the one I fucked died.
My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!
"Fuck me right in the balls, you dirty cow!"