Animal jokes
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.
Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.
Why do birds fly upside down over Poland?
There's nothing worth shitting on.
Why did the ion always lose at Go Fish?
Because he was playing with a cheetah!
Why did the chickens cross the road?
To get to KFC.
Why is a giraffe's neck so long?
Because his head is so high up in the air.
What is the difference between an orphan and a snake?
A snake has a home to go to underground.
A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!
Me: Hey, do you live in the ocean?
Random guy: Why?
Me: Because you look like a whale.
Y'know, I never knew Obi-Wan Kenobi participated in an anime, "Snow White with the Red Hair," up until now.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To show he had guts.
Why did the other hedgehog cross the road? To see his flat mate.
Why is an elephant big, grey, and hairy?
You have to tell this to a friend:
There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10
Do you know the teacher that went up into space?
You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."
So, one day I saw a dog outside, so I played with it. Then I was like, "I’m gonna see its name and where it lives." So I did. Then... its name was Momo. Then I looked to see where it lived. It said "Joe Momma Street."
What is small, black and yellow, and drops things?
A fumble bee.
What type of bee can't make up his mind?
A maybe.
Why did the duck get arrested?
He tried to quack a safe.
Why do orphans love dogs?
Because dogs stay with them.