Animal jokes
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?
"Stop staring at my nuts."
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalottapuss.
What did the hamster say to the penis? "Ha, you look just like me!"
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
Why does a cheetah always lose on a test? Because he is a cheater!
Why did the frog cross the road to hop to his side, Bih?
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What eats nuts and bolts? A squirrel that’s running late!
Why do squirrels love dick?
Because it produces nut.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do squirrels eat at the fair? A-corn dog.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.