Animal jokes

What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?

"This tastes a little funny."

What's big, black, and touches children?

Harambe.

Your mama's so fat, I don’t know if it is a hippo or not.

What did the horses say to the donkeys?

"Jackasses, please like!"

Yo mama's so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.

Why do cows have big [udders]? Because they have big balls.

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.

I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!

What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?

"Stop staring at my nuts."

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalottapuss.

What did the hamster say to the penis? "Ha, you look just like me!"

You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.

My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.

Why does a cheetah always lose on a test? Because he is a cheater!

Why did the frog cross the road to hop to his side, Bih?

If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?

How do you catch an elephant?

Act like a peanut.