Animal

Animal jokes

I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...

It was impossible to put down.

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    • Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.

    The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"

    Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."

    What's a snake's favorite subject?

    Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.

    There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"

    Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?

    Now he's a bronze fish.

    Did you hear about the nasty tuna fish?

    He was rotten to the albacore.

    In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.

    They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"

    The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."

    Squirrel: I got a joke.

    Dog: What the hell is it?

    Squirrel: I clicked my nuts and clicked my poop.

    Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

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    • One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"

    The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"

    Why did the elephant get kicked out of the public pool?

    Because he kept on dropping his trunks! 🤣🤣🤣🤣