American jokes
President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon.
Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.
Americans: I will cook the pizza.
Italians: I cooka de pizza!
Neo-Confederates all claim to be about "heritage" not "hate". Well, if your heritage consists of Kelly Clarkson, riding on siblings, and treating Donald Trump as if he's the second coming, then it really sucks to be you.
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, βAre you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?β I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...
What do you call an American house?
A gun safe.
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
Why is the Rubikβs cube record holder always American?
Because Americans are really good at separating colors.
How do Americans learn the metric system?
9mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.
What do Americans and stars have in common?
They both love shooting up.
Why are Americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.
A guy is talking to an Indian therapist.
He had a red dot, and the American thought it was from a sniper rifle and tackled him and said, "I thought the red dot on your head was from a sniper rifle!"
When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.
When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.
American people: We will throw your teabags in the ocean!
British: At least our towers didnβt fall. π
Americans when they think they have the best offensive British jokes: "we threw your tea in the ocean." π
British people making offensive jokes about America: "our towers didnβt explode."π
Itβs amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitlerβs Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isnβt that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"
And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"
"Why?" says the bully.
"Because you haven't got a tower."
America: Saying, "I beg your pardon" in British English is like saying; "What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?"
UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.
America: Oh, I'm SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts π
I asked a European what do you call Karens in your country? He said, "American women."
Why did the Puerto Rican American πΊπΈ π΅π· that was a gay male πΊπΈ π΅π· that was born physically challenged not say anything to a group of gay white men that were not physically challenged after they called him a size queen after the Puerto Rican American πΊπΈ π΅π· that was born physically challenged was done taking turns giving them a blowjob and was done taking turns swallowing their sweet cum? πΊπΈ π΅π·
Because it was the best meal that he ever had since he has been in prison for 30 years. πΊπΈ π΅π·