American jokes
American-accented, British pronunciation, what am I?
Either Canadian or European.
Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?
Because they practice at the best schools.
Why cant Americans play chess?
Because they lost their towers...
Why won't an American atheist convert to the religion of Islam in the city of Dearborn, Michigan?
Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be able to join a mosque in the city of Dearborn, Michigan.
Why can’t American people play chess?
Because they lost their towers.
USS Liberty. Never forget.
It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.
Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?
Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...
Donald Trump is to white Americans as O.J. Simpson is to black Americans. They will never choose to convict these people even if they murdered or raped.
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.
How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?
Push?! He fell...
Palestinians leave without saying goodbye.
Israel says goodbye when the Americans say so.
Americans leave without saying goodbye.
Russians say goodbye without leaving.
I used to think all Americans were racist.
Now I've changed my mind. They DID elect an orange president.
What show has something orphans will never have?
American Dad!
If Canada had to apologise for Bryan Adams on several occasions, it's only fair that Americans are tortured and waterboarded for bringing Katy Perry and Carrie Underwood to the world!
The American Dream is real. It's just set and filmed in Toronto and not Texas.
If the American Dream exists, why is it always filmed in Canada?
I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.
Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?
He shot a Ginger.
Americans leave without saying goodbye, and Russians say goodbye without leaving.