Alphabet jokes
Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
What kind of streets do ghosts haunt?
Dead ends.
Teacher: Okay class, what's a word that begins with A?
Student: Apple!
Teacher: Good! What's a word beginning with B?
Student:....Bitch...
What starts with T, ends with T, and has T in it?
A teapot.
Kid: "LOOK OUT! A KILLER BEE!!!"
(B)
OKAY.
Dude, ABC, what comes next?
Kid: A big fat noob.
What are the first four letters of the alphabet?
Mum: (noticing the child's hair is too long) "You need a haircut."
Brother: (winning a game on PlayStation) "Yes! Get in!"
Uncle: (making plans) "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
Aunt: (singing a song from the show after overhearing the conversation) "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
Next day...
Student: I know the alphabet.
Teacher: OK, go on.
Student: "You need a haircut."
Teacher: How dare you make comments like this! Do you want to go to the headteacher?
Student: "Yes! Get in!"
Teacher: What do you think you're going to be doing?
Student: "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
*In headteacher's office*
Headteacher: Now, I hear you were very rude to the literacy teacher earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?
Student: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
You take four, then you put a "n" at the end, then you take the "u" out, then you replace the "f" with a "p". What do you get?
Her last name starts with "A" and ends with "D," and the middle letters are "P-O-O."
Did you know there is no "p" in the alphabet? ABCDEFGHIJKLM(NOP)!
People named Aaron are annoying. Why have two A’s when you can have none? (Ron)
A B C D E F GUN.
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!
And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.
I have 25 friends in the alphabet.
But I don't know why.
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?”
The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.”
So the boy said, “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”
When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?”
The boy replied, “Half way down my leg...”
What do we find at the end of every rainbow?
The letter W.
What starts with "N" and ends with "G"?
Nothing.
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.