New Alphabet Jokes

Know your abcs! Assholes bitches and cocaine!

A Canadian, an American and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.

They were given everything they needed to succeed and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.

The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration, he spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.

The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.

The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water and beat the shit out of him every single day.

When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.

The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything, I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."

The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get and yet he won't speak!".

The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"

The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!".

Girl: I’m so in love with you! Boy: me too. I think you’re abcdefghijk: - aesthetic, beautiful, cool, determined, elegant, famous, hot. Girl: whats the ijk? Boy: I’m just kidding

The only letters in the alphabet that you know are KFC

ME: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O MY FRIEND: what’s that supposed to mean ME: O B C D

Teacher: alright class, let’s sing our abc’s!

The gay kid: lgbtqrstuvwxyz

Your mom is so fat she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D (Obesity)

You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."

why did 6 eat 7 because 7 ate 9

If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (alphabet lore) I would be Rich

You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.

replace the v in venus wit a p

I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd 9th and 15th letter of the alphabet doctor: oh I see me:ahhhh!!!!!

me: how many letters are in the alphabet? that one friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T

2 times 4 equals 18

I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.