What's a cow's strongest part of their body?
Their "calves"!
Why do cow milking stools only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder!
As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.
Why did the people get a chicken?
To make eggs.
She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!
How do you f**k a sheep?
Put your d**k in it and face it off the cliff edge. It'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was out-standing.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
I had a calf for a while. The milk was bad until we bought a heifer.
Roses are red,
my life is a disaster,
the children are fast,
but the combine is F A S T E R!
What’s a green cucumber?
A carrot.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
