Age jokes
A young couple gets banned from church.
There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.
After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."
"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"
"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."
If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
Why have sex when you can perv on your neighbor's grandma!
What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?
They will never grow up.
Why can’t orphans watch Netflix?
Because they don't know what age rate they are…
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
What's the difference between 20 and 14?
9 to 10 years.
What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them!
My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.
It was really heavy on me.
Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
If her internal clock can tock, she can sit on my cock.
If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.
"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"
You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.
What's the best thing about 20-1 year olds... there's 20.