Afterlife jokes
Why didn't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
Because there was only a stairway to heaven and no lifts.
You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
How many people do you think are in a graveyard? Hopefully none.
A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."
"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."
"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be DYING to get in there.
Why did Technoblade die?
'Cause he wanted to Skyblock in Heaven!
I want to die to see the other side, but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side.
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!
I'm really worried for Stephen Hawking, 'cause how is he going to climb the stairway to Heaven?
When Steven Hawking realizes heaven is only a stairway away.
What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?
There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.
Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.
Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."
He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."
Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."
Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."
"Where ya going?"
"When I die, hell, but right now, my room."
I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.
I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras, but then I heard popping behind me!
I burnt down a whole forest and asked myself, "Is this hell?"
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell, not heaven? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
Why can't ghosts stay happy? Because they are too skeletal.