Why can't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
'Cause he'd walk up the stairs!
Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?
Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.
Why did Steven Hawkins go to hell?
Because he couldn't walk the stairs to heaven.
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.
God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.
Never challenge death to a pillow fight.
Unless you're prepared for the reapercushions.
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
There's something special about cemeteries.
People are dying to get inside.
A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
How did Helen Keller know she went to hell?
She didn't.
If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.
Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.
Why do orphans want to die?
Because they might see their parents in Heaven.
Whoever invented school, I hope you burn in hell.
If Tim goes to heaven and Tom goes to hell, where does Tam go?
Up your ass.
Why did half of the world go to hell?
Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
(You've been warned!)
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
When we die we get sent to heaven, but when Stephen Hawking died, he was sent to the cloud.
The orphans all died!!!
Oh wait, no one cares...
Their parents are all dead anyway. We are just making them happier. They get to join their parents in hell.
