Afterlife jokes
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
Why do orphans want to die?
Because they might see their parents in Heaven.
You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?
Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.
How did Helen Keller know she went to hell?
She didn't.
If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.
Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go to heaven; Heaven comes to Chuck Norris. RIP.
If Tim goes to heaven and Tom goes to hell, where does Tam go?
Up your ass.
I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.
I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras, but then I heard popping behind me!
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.
Why did half of the world go to hell?
Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
(You've been warned!)
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
When we die we get sent to heaven, but when Stephen Hawking died, he was sent to the cloud.
The orphans all died!!!
Oh wait, no one cares...
Their parents are all dead anyway. We are just making them happier. They get to join their parents in hell.
Why did the child die? To see God, our father.
God: “Stephen, join us!”
*sees the staircase to heaven.*
Stephen: “Shit!”
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.