Afterlife jokes
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
Want to know what Juice WRLD would do if he were alive today?
Frantically scratch on the inside of his coffin.
What is hell to you?
Jesus!!!!!
He is everywhere taking our time and energy and our lives for his entertainment.
But Judgment Day is his eternal hell!
And our Eternal Heaven!!
When I die, I want my body to be cremated.
And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
-->[]life death[]<--
Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?
Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...
Son: Am I kidnapped?
Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.
Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven.
Oh, wait... never mind...
The cemetery is so overcrowded.
People are just dying to get in.
Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.
In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
Oh no, I feel bad for Stephen Hawking. He can’t get up the stairway to Heaven.
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.