Afterlife jokes
What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?
"Him and his dead family." :(
A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."
Why did Technoblade die?
'Cause he wanted to Skyblock in Heaven!
So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.
Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven.
Oh, wait... never mind...
For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.
Why can’t Michael Jackson go more than 500 feet into a school?
Because he’s dead.
What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!
Your mama is so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirit.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
Some of you need to go to church. I don't want you in hell with me.
You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"
What did one skeleton say to another?
...nothing... they are dead... what did you expect?
What did one ghost say to the other?
"Get a life!"
THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.