Aed jokes
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
Why do orphans live on buses?
They never have a home to stop at.
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.
"Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
Q: What's 1+1? 2+2? 4+4? 8+8? Name a vegetable.
A: Carrot 🥕
Your mom is so ugly she made a blind kid cry.
I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"
I say, "Your parents."
Sans: What do you have there?
Frisk: A KNIFE!
Sans: NOO!!!
So there was a reason why I hated math.
I suck at problem-solving.
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck a plunger down the toilet.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To cock-a-doodle die...
Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?
Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)
Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.
Me: *Confused*
Sister: They're both horrible.
Sometimes when I'm sad, I remember I have a big dick.
I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.
I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"
They say mistakes make you stronger. If that were true, then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “women's rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.