Aed jokes
Why did the pig decline to go to the farmer's house?
He would take him to a "pignic."
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
I made this up.
I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.
Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."
Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”
The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”
Q: What is a clown’s favorite fish?
A: The clownfish.
Captain Obvious
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
Someone walked into a cancer ward and asked for a skin fade.
What's the difference between a watermelon and an orphan?
One you cut into 2 with a knife.
And the watermelon you cut into pieces.
A mom gave her son "the talk". Her son replies, "Wait, so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied."
What is a dog with only two legs? A human.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,
Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.
Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"
The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.
The kid asked him again and so on.
Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"
A seal walks into a club.
Who can drink 20 liters of fuel without dying? A jerrycan.
I had a new "blonde parts expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire. The parts guy was assuming she didn't know about Planned Parenthood? .. 😂🤣
What did the hairdresser say to the power line?
"Want a power cut?"
Mommy is a YouTuber, she can never spend time with me.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
What do you call the 10th hole on a military golf course?
Ten-putt!