Aed jokes

I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.

(Extra Cholesterol)

I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"

Waiter: "Here you go, one medium-rare steak."

Me: "I like it well done."

Waiter: "Thanks, that means a lot!"

What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.

What is brown and smelly? Is it a fart? Is it a carcass? Wrong, it's a dirty toilet.

What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.

You are getting Cole for Christmas, you shit fuckers.

I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.

There was a kidnapping at school.

Don't worry, he woke up.

What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?

I guess orange is the new black.

What type of bee makes milk?

A boobee.

Lesson in laziness number 136894236842: don't be too lazy to read large numbers.

What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!

Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.

Don't be racist, I am a building.

Twin Towers: fucked.

It was fake.

BE RACIST.

I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly, there were also two towers included in the box as well.

Why was it so hot in a square room? Because all the corners are 90 degrees.

I hear scientists have been experimenting with a new diet at Cornell University: just straight meat for 7 hours a night, all night long, with a side of alcohol to keep the shop open.

The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."

Your momma is so skinny, she hula hoops with a Cheerio!