Aed jokes
Yo mama so fat.
In Super Mario Galaxy, she was a fucking planet!
Me running from the table where the Emo table with a happy meal.
My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"
You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.
Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.
His hairline is so ugly that Martin Luther King had a dream about it.
Every time a midget runs on the grass, the grass tickles their balls.
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing.
Your sister is so stupid, when she saw Mountain Dew, she went to the top of a mountain to get it.
Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?
They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
What do you call a dumpster with an antenna on it? Radio Morocco.
A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.
I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.
If this gets 10 comments (I don't care about likes) I will write a four page essay and post it, and it's up to you guys what it's about.
What’s the difference between a life and a nuclear bomb?
I don’t have a life.
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
What is a show an orphan will never be able to relate to?
"Full House".
One does not simply hand over a jar of dirt.
Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?
Someone turned off flight mode.
(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)