Aed jokes

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?

Play pretend dog in the bed.

Normal Kids: Today is a lovely day.

Emo kids: Here lies Chris, he shot himself!

These jokes have a good build up, but in the end, they all come crashing down.

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

What's one piece of stationary gay kids always forget to bring to school? A ruler.

What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

What do you call an orphan that has a brother? The second one without one.

Why are orphans unable to work at S.C. Johnson?

Because it’s a family business.

Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.

That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.

What do you call an emo with knife cuts on their wrist?

A barcode.

You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

How do you call a very good lemonade?

Fantatastic!

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.

So she gave me a hug.

Your forehead is so big, it takes the sun a year to shine on every part of it.