Aed jokes
Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
What did the kids say hi to? A slide.
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don't care if she has one.
Why can't orphans suck dick?
Because they don't have a stepbro.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
Your hairline goes so far back, your forehead got a six pack.
Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.
Shitmate: You’re so shitable.
Me: Bring banana ice cream.
Shitmate: Never happening.
What kind of chair inhabits your soul?
A hair!
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
At what speed is the curry going at?
In a hurry to the curry, man!
Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.
What does Michael Jackson like to carry around? A little ball sack.
What's the darkest point in the universe?
The inside of a KFC.
A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.