Aed jokes
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
Why did the rapper bring a basketball to the concert?
To drop some SLAM DUNKS on the mic!
What's a rapper's favorite DESSERT?
Rhyme-berry pie.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?
Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.
Why did the rapper carry an UMBRELLA?
Because he heard there was a 50% chance of "Lil Wayne."
What does a dog do in a dresser?
It pants!
BlessedBrian's family reunions must be like a casting call for the Addams Family.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!
What did Daveon say when he saw a spider? "I'm Dave-on with this!"
What do you call a group of Daveons? A "daveon-ation."
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
I met a fat chick at the beach.
People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?
My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"
Q: What's the most popular dish in Africa?
A: The empty one!
Yo mama is so dumb, when she had a brain scan, the result was 404...