Aed jokes

How can you be friends with a pedophile that's a musician?

B minor.

One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.

One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"

Your forehead is so big, I could land a jet plane on it.

What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.

What's something similar between a clogged pipe and a pregnant woman?

You fix both with a coat hanger.

What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)

Normally I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it’s two plane.

If you're a simp, just remember, it means "Suckers Idolizing Mediocre Pussy."

What do you call an orphanage that's not an orphanage?

A homeless shelter.

I like you, you like me.

Let’s go out and kill Barney with a big shot gun. Barney’s on the floor, no more purple dinosaur. 🌸🌸🌸🌺🌺🌺🥀🥀🥀RIP BARNEY

Why do mostly younger orphans get adopted?

Because who wants a traffic an adult?

Warning: if you don't like gummy bears, DO NOT READ.

Q: What do you call a Mexican gummy bear?

A: Delici-Oso

What do you call a Hippie's Wife? A Mississippi.

Who’s more excited than a kid on his birthday?

Jimmy Savile in a primary school playground.

I remember the time that Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... it was a short episode. Too bad he couldn’t find any.

What would a clock look like with no numbers?

Timeless!

What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?

"Want me to pack your shit?"

Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.

Guy: Robin

Bank owner: Your last name?

Guy: Debank

Bank owner: Robin Debank?

Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.

He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.

A stone’s throw away, in fact.