Aed jokes
Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.
David: Isn't that illegal?
Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.
David: I hate my life.
How do you check that a rabbit is old?
You check how many gray hares it has.
I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.
What do you call a cow's facial hair?
A moostache.
My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.
Him: How do you break things?
Me: You break things up.
Him: Okay.
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.
Well.
What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?
Magic Johnson.
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
What do turtles use to communicate?
A shellphone!
I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:
P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.
Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.
“They are all very tearable,” he replied.
Well, there is one person who gets it!
Why does Wet have a big head? Because he got hit by a wetaroid!
My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.
I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
What did the letter A say to the letter B?
"Z" you later.
I saw a bicycler flip over a gutter. It was pretty grate.
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
Q: What did one atom say to the other?
A: I have my ion you.
I told my friend to fly a plane,
But he threw a ramp off a roof.
Beth was from Spain and she had a pig. What did they call her?
Beth-la-ham
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.