Aed jokes
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?
They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.
Uh!!!
Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"
She pulls out a knife and fork.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"
"Six pounds."
"And shaving?"
"Three pounds."
"Good, then shave my head."
What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?
Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.
What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?
A yeast infection.
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.
What’s the easiest way to dig a hole to China?
Through my arm.
What’s the difference between masturbation and brain damage?
After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile.
And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"
What's a cancer patient's favorite food?
Kentucky Fried Chemotherapy
Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.
What was Kurt Cobain's biggest flaw?
He had a short temper and lost his head over everything.
What kind of motorcycle do women ride? A menstrual cycle.
What's brown and in a baby's diaper?
Michael Jackson's hand.
Wanna see a joke I found? *shows mirror*
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
Women can't take a joke!