Aed jokes
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!
Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
What do you call a skeleton's omelet?
A bonelet.
Why did the bean play Fortnite?
Because it had a beantroller.
"Popcorn" means "Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany."
"HO" means a woman, in particular one who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based sex encountered a lot in a nazi camp.
I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.
"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."
"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."
I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!
I would make a joke about your sister, but she banged me.
What do you call a bunch of wheelchairs on top of one another?
A vegetable rack.
Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!
Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
I see some objects over there... oh, never mind, that's a woman.
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
Cannibal eats missionary, gets a taste for religion.
What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?
“Just beat it! Just beat it!”
How do Chinese parents name their children?
Dropping a pan down the stairs. Bing, Bong, Dong.
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.