Aed jokes
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
One time a man climbed a mountain and saw a guy.
"Who are you?"
"I am mountain man!"
Two cunts were walking down the street.
One was doing calculus, and the other one says, "Imagine me, a stupid cunt that can talk...."
What do turtles use to communicate?
A shellphone!
I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:
P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.
Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.
“They are all very tearable,” he replied.
Well, there is one person who gets it!
I just got a text on my cell. Bone be right back ;)
What do you call a flying sheep?
A muttonbird.
What do you call a flying skunk?
A smelicopter.
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
What did the letter A say to the letter B?
"Z" you later.
It is now legal to bully an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
I had a conversation with a Möbius strip.
It was one-sided.
Q. What's Jeffery Dahmer's favorite song?
A. "Pieces of You."
What kind of motorcycle do women ride? A menstrual cycle.
Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.
What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?
One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.
What was Kurt Cobain's biggest flaw?
He had a short temper and lost his head over everything.
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"
"Six pounds."
"And shaving?"
"Three pounds."
"Good, then shave my head."