Aed jokes
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
If I had a dollar for every gender, I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
Eminem-o the Great.
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing.
I think I gave you the coronavirus because I can't stop staring, a-choo!
What do you call Link when he is hurt?
A link to the cast.
Why should you never talk to pie at a party? Because it goes on forever.
What’s the name of the band in the gay bar?
A: Beers for Queers.
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
Everyone is a gangster until Helen Keller hits a 3 on you.
When in Poland people go to a house party, and the atmosphere is bad, nobody is talking, they say: "Is there a German here?"
What has 2 wheels and screams? A disabled [person] I dropkicked down the stairs.
A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.
The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.
Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"
The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."
I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.
Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?
Are you kidding me?!?
Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.
A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”
What do you call a rude math teacher with a lisp?
A mathive dick.