Aed jokes
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.
What do you call an orphan's family reunion? "Me time."
What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.
It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
I hope it's a dog
In order to get $355 million for his civil fraud case, Donald Trump desperately needed to fundraise. So, in every Republican Party event, he will serve the Patriotic Trump Dog! It consists of an 80-year-old sausage inside a 10-year-old cream bun, topped with Russian dressing.
Trump does have the best people, doesn't he?
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.
My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."
Without women, sex would be a pain in the ass.
What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.
What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?
... A FLATLINE!