Aed jokes
I used to be a fan, but after seeing her OnlyFans account, I'm a whole air conditioner.
Jesse: Do you like my ball?
Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?
Jesse: No, they do not leave me.
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
Do you think I can shoot a basketball?
I make it dip like water.
Anyone who makes fun of Prof should go to hell.
Q. What do you call a baby born six months early?
A. A miscarriage.
Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.
How does a terrorist feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane."
I had a girlfriend who was a below-the-knee amputee. We broke up because she just couldn't keep her legs closed.
Why did the egg fall off the motorbike?
He was shite.
When it's NNN but you have a peanut allergy: 🥳
What do you call a gay baseball player? A homo-run-sexual.
Why did he kill himself?
Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.
A toaster and a slice of whole wheat bread sit together in the sauna.
After five minutes, the bread starts to sweat extremely and says: "Oh, I think I'm going to be a toast in here!"
The toaster just looks at it bored from the side and replies: "Don't get upset. I'm just here to really switch off."
What gets wetter as it dries?
A towel!
Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!
Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!
Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!
Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!
Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?
Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?
Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.
Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!
Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!
Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!
Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!
Gwen: He does, you're not listening.
Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!
What will make a depressed teenager happy?
A cliff.
You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.