Aed jokes
The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!
What do you call a failure in another language?
Me.
If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.
My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers; I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job.
What do you call a rapper who's also a GARDENER?
Snoop Soddy Sod.
How do you know if a rapper is lying?
His rhymes don't add up.
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
What do a tank and a warship have in common?
They're overweight.
Why did he kill himself?
Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.
Q. What do you call a baby born six months early?
A. A miscarriage.
I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!
What do you call a shake? Shake ya booty!
Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."
Friend: Hey, let me give you a little riddle. There's a table [for] four people who are supposed to sit [at]. There is you, me, Will, Mary. In which order will they sit?
Other friend: Uhm, you, me, Mary, and Will?
Friend 1: Nope, guess again!
Other friend: Okay, what about "Will you marry me?" Oh, wait...
Friend 1: Of course!!!! :D
A burrito walked off a building.
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
Me: Hey, do you live in the ocean?
Random guy: Why?
Me: Because you look like a whale.
What kind of experience does a feminazi have for being a feminist?
Being a bitch.
What do you call a pig in a blanket?
My wife on a cold day.
When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.