Aed jokes

Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.

What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?

... A FLATLINE!

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Well, at least one gets picked.

"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty-three times.

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.

What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?

The Inbredibles.

What's the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store?

Scan the wrist and you might get a discount.

Other girls be like, "I want a 6ft guy", meanwhile I want to be 6ft under. 😃👍

How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?

By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"

Me: Have you ever went sky diving?

Friend: No.

Me: Well don't, it sucks.

Friend: Why?

Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.

What is the difference between a feminist and a vegetarian? A vegetarian doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons. However, a feminist doesn't act like a bitch for moral, religious, or health reasons.

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

Marriage is like a deck of cards.

In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

Why did I walk across the road?

To get hit by a car.

There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.

What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?

A cutting board.

Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?

You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.