Aed jokes
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.
Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.
Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.
An orphan walks into a bar and the barman says, "What are you doing here? You need parent's permission!"
"Oh no, who will I ask?" the orphan says.
when you see a homeless man walking toward you
What is the difference between a pornstar and a mosquito?
No one stops sucking.
Say yes if you wanna fuck.
Looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?
Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.
What’s the difference between a WNBA player and a rotten apple? The apple has a chance to make it into the basket.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck 'em.
Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.
A father awaits the birth of his first child.
The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
I did a good job and walk walk home and walk walk to the car and drive. What is the difference between a good [what]?
I had a conversation with a Möbius strip.
It was one-sided.
You look like a sandwich Bigfoot didn't even like.
Twin towers are like identical twins, and I threw a paper airplane.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.
So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.