Aed jokes
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?
You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?
You're-a-peein'. European.
Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!
A baby seal walks into a club...
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
"Knock knock?"
"Mustache."
"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"
I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.
My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.
What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
Why did the boy put a chicken 🐔 in his garden?
He wanted to grow an eggplant. 😂
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
This isn't a joke; I just want to spread awareness of anatidaephobia.
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.