Aed jokes
I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One kneels to pray, one kneels to pay.
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
It works, my brother has never slept better
On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.
On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"
Why don't you use a dull pencil?
Because there's no point. 😐😑😑
How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
There's a saying that goes, "Only gay men know how to dress." Of course they know how to dress! They were in the closet!
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?
A: She moans with the other.
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
Yo mama so poor, she used a KFC bucket as a rain hat.
If a girl jumps off a cliff, some people call it suicide and some call it girl power, but I call it BULLSHIT.
When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.
Al-gebra.