Aed jokes
Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly, or...
Are they just given a quick crash course?
A drum rolled down a hill. Ba-dum-tsssh!
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?
"I think I feel a connection!"
How does an artist fill in a CV?
He draws on experience.
What is a tree's favorite thing to drink?
Root beer.
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
"Knock knock?"
"Mustache."
"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
Why was the giraffe late to work?
Because it got caught in a giraffic jam.
What is a monkey’s 🐒 favorite dance move?
The banana 🍌 split.
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
A baby seal walks into a club...
Why were the cherries 🍒 crying?
Because their parents were in a jam.
My friend looks like a homeless, thanks for the jokes.