Aed jokes
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"? They never get old.
My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.
Brinnia so fat when she stepped on a scale, it said, "I need a bigger one."
One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.
After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.
1, 2, I have a gun.
3, 4, I am in a school.
5, 6, Everyone on the ground!
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?
Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
What's a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it ain't plain.
Are you a noose, 'cause I wanna hang out with you?
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
Your mom is so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory!
A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."
How do crazy people get through a forest?
They take the psycho-path!
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?
One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.
Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.
Why can't Michael Jackson play baseball?
He made a hit and run!