Aed jokes
What's a suicidal person's favorite game?
Hangman.
- Mommy, I want a bicycle!
- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone?
He got hit by a bus.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus.
Why can a gay man give a better brojob to a heterosexual man than another heterosexual man?
Experience.
Why is Donald Trump so jealous of Usain Bolt?
Because he successfully finished a race!
Woah man, you need to take a step back. Your hairline did, so I am sure you can.
What kind of experience does a feminist have?
Being a bitch.
Heterosexual sodomy is like religion. If you were forced to accept it when you were younger, you probably would not like it when you become an adult.
if you ask an artist how to commit suicide, they will say a very creative way
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "You're adopted!" The sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.
After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.
So, I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said, "Yes ma'am." She said, "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said, "Okay, thanks bitch."