Aed jokes

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Orphan.

Orphan who?

Orphan who needs a parent!

What's a saying you shouldn't tell an epileptic?

Seize your moment.

Daveon is so straight, he can't even handle a slight bend in the road.

Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.

Your insults are like a blank bullet: a stupid and harmless joke.

"I need to go to the doctor!"

"Why?"

"It has a crack in it."

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

Me: "WYD?"

Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."

Me: "Without me? Lol"

Where are you right now?

Looking at a fake joke? You are a waste of time and space.

True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

I was going to tell a ghost joke, but it just seemed so mean-spirited.

Yo mama's so fat, a man has to bring climbing equipment to kiss her on the cheek.

What state starts with an "a a lama"?

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

Yo hairline so ugly, when you go to school you fall on a line.

How did pioneers name Canada?

They put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three. The first one was "C, eh?" The second one was "N, eh?" The last letter was "D, eh?"

That's how they named "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"