Aed jokes

I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."

I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."

He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."

How did pioneers name Canada?

They put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three. The first one was "C, eh?" The second one was "N, eh?" The last letter was "D, eh?"

That's how they named "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"

The professor said, "I think this question raises a few problems."

The student replied, "That is not a question; that is an answer."

What do you call a donkey with no feet?

A horse.

Yo Momma so slutty she uses a SpaceX rocket as a dildo.

Yo mama's so fat, a man has to bring climbing equipment to kiss her on the cheek.

Putin's words paint a picture of his world as vast, but in reality, it is shrinking.

Me: "WYD?"

Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."

Me: "Without me? Lol"

My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.

How much is McDonald's on a hot day?

Trump cut the company's advertising spending on Spotcom by 25%.

A panda goes to see a hooker. He goes down on her, he mates with her, he ejaculates and then he attempts to walk away.

The working girl asks, "Aren't you going to pay me?"

She opens the dictionary to "Prostitute: One who sells sexual companionship for money."

The panda picks up the dictionary and turns to the definition "Panda: A marsupial who eats, roots, shoots, and leaves."

Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.

Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?

If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?

"I need to go to the doctor!"

"Why?"

"It has a crack in it."

What do you call a not potty trained human?

Amber Heard.

What do you call a group of gay gamers?

Rainbow Six.

I found a place before called an orphanage, but when I was allowed in there were lots of kids, and I said, "Where's your parents? Oh yeah, you're orphans." Gosh, that was one heck of a day!

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.

Why are dildos like a ratcheting wrench? They both make lots of noise and get their job done.