Aed jokes
I know what I want to be for Halloween! A pumpkin! I'm very good at carving into myself, after all.
What do you call an orange on a small stick?
Donald Trump.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, "She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?" The wife replies, "Perform the fucking autopsy!"
Third meme here
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
What do you call an emo a cappella group?
Self harmony.
Why is the USA bad at Clash Royale? 'Cause they already lost two towers.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOF!"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents!"
Dark humor is a lot like food.
Not everyone gets it.
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
When you name yourself Twin Towers and Terrorist in Kahoot:
"Twin Towers" is on fire🔥
"Terrorist" is on a streak of 2.
I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.