Aed jokes
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
You sat on a chair with Uranus.
TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.
I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.
If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?
Because they are good at fingering A minor.
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?
What makes a child an orphan?
Their parents left them for good. :D
What’s an orphan’s favorite cereal?
Because it’s the only magical string in his life.
What is a pup's favorite pizza?
Pupperoni
How do you bury a prostitute?
In a Y-shaped coffin.
I was gonna make a joke about Mexicans but honestly, it crosses the line.
What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?
Hitting it off with a cricket bat.
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.
I have a horse named Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
I made a house for orphans and...
they had no clue how to use it.
Denki: Hey Mineta, I have a joke.
Mineta: ...go on...
Denki: Ochako's booty.
Mineta: I don't get it?
Denki: Exactly.
Mineta: *cries T_T*